heaven is a mind state

phuket, thailand

saturday june 29 10:29pm

i am happy

not for the first time -

i’ve experienced states of happiness before

sometimes euphoria or excitement which we typically feel is happiness

in times where my ego and identity was so intensely strong because it was being approved and reinforced

through other people’s company

or fun situations

fulfilling a desire

happiness experienced through the external

in times where i was able to see my truth as a reflection in something else

like nature

or another human

happiness experienced through a mirror

and also in times of what is true and pure happiness that is only within

states of bliss and peace

where i am completely accepting and grounded in the moment

where i feel fully connected to myself and everything and everyone

this last state of happiness is not a reaction

the happiness described here is not necessarily what we think of as happiness

but rather a deep seated contentedness

it needs nothing else to exist

and in that contentment

i am in a space of endless love and peace

where to be “happy” is the default

in each of these states

although i have come to know more pure forms of happiness

there was always an underlying fear present

a fear that it might soon end

so i subtly clung to the happiness desperately

“please don’t leave me”

but now i am happy for the first time knowing that it not fleeting

i can and will always be this way

unless i get distracted

and become attached

my identities of the past

or desired outcomes for the future

which can cause pain and fear

i’m so grateful that i have this time to be still

and recognize and feel my truth

so that when i return to interact with other people more intensely

i will remain in the center

how do i maintain this happiness?

complete awareness

complete presence

complete acceptance

and there is my power

knowing i am nothing

so the expanse opens so i realize i can be anything

i can manifest whatever future i desire

not the specifics

but the qualities

and i choose peace, love, and joy

because those things are with in

not with out

it is not a desire

because i always have them

i just have to remember to not let them get covered up by distraction and attachments

and even for desires

it is human to have them

and it is a fun game to set goals and try to achieve them

and by being present and clear

it is much more feasible to attain my desires

because i am much more efficient at being

so i’ll want things

and i’ll have dreams

but if something doesn’t work out how i anticipated or hoped for

i am okay

and still in complete acceptance

because i believe that everything happens for a reason

and that reason is that life unfolds naturally

it is the way things are

we can play in this duality

but ultimately, all is one

you cannot wish a tree not to fall

a rock not to erode

a wave not to crash

the wind not to pick up the sand

the sun not to set

we cannot tell the sky to turn green

and the grass to turn blue

but we can change our perception

there is a natural order and happening in all things

we see this in the pattens of the natural world

remember that we too are nature

and we too are patterns

energy and vibration

we can bend and morph these things

but we cannot change what is happening right now

we can only change how we see

and i will only and always choose the love of my core

over the pain, fear, and resistance of attachment to layers

that is why i will always be happy

because i always have been

deep within

it’s just been suffocated by negative thoughts and emotions

i fully embrace what is

working toward bettering myself

a passion to become more and more clear

so light can reach the masses

purity can only act out of purity

love can only spread love

truth can only speak truth

because it is true to its nature

not pretending to be what it’s not

think of what happens when something tries to be what it’s not: cancer

and this confusion pollutes the entire body

i pay attention to every detail

fully accept and love myself

set goals

have intention

act out of purity in each moment to the best of my ability as i grow and learn and gain wisdom which is clarity

i am so sure of my truth

so sure of my dharma

at least as it is in this moment

and it is so lovely

to be clear

maybe this all sounds esoteric and crazy

well, for me, knowing i can be blissed out all the time - for my whole life?! well that’s crazy news! i’ve lived thus far thinking that’s impossible. that it’s reserved for those with “perfect” lives without stress and conflict.

it’s so incredible to have returned to my self.

to this place of peace.

my soul has been waiting for me to come home for so long.

here i am.

i’m not going anywhere.

ram ram ૐ

much love! dream extreme! ☆

- kat