i am all i know

i am listening.

i am watching.

the mind searches for problems

but i search for what is beneath.

i search for light

and i search for the darkness

i search for stillness

and for the dance

i search for whatever is true.

i search for all things.

i am practicing patience

and trust

and surrender.

i am feeling deeply.

i am overjoyed

and i am terrified.

i am the breaking

and the healing

the laughter

and the tears

i am the mundane

and the great awe

i am the unknown

and the intimacy

i am the uncertainty

and the unshakable faith.

i am all things.

and i am waiting

and watching

and listening

…

what are you?

...

tuesday may 19 2020

...

wednesday may 20 2020

as i laid in bed last night i did a spoken meditation

and the thought/feeling overwhelmed me that

“this is my life”

like feeling the potency of that so deeply.

how do i want to show up?

this life is literally all i know.

it’s so familiar yet so bizarre

this is all there is… to me

yet i feel like there’s more

but since this is my life

it is completely my responsibility to show up for myself.

to make it an enjoyable one.

to make it meaningful.

i can do anything.

i can be anyone.

i am not someone separate from me.

i am fully me.

i integrate all parts of me into love.

and i am devoted to intimacy with myself.

i love me.