this is bad

here's a lil dude i found in bali :-)

as I gain more clarity

become increasingly free of distraction

i become much more sensitive

and this sensitivity is simply a heightened awareness of all aspects of life

i used to have so many walls that i built to protect myself from being hurt

and they worked - i was able to keep feelings out

these walls protected me, to some extent, from pain

but they also prevented me from feeling all joy

when i attempted to quiet my sensitivity to emotion

it wasn’t only the negative

it was the positive as well

so as ive worked to destroy the walls i so desperately created

ive felt more pain, yes, but i now experience overwhelming joy

and as ive become more and more clear on who i am

the pain becomes less and less

and when i do experience pain, it’s beautiful

ive learned that sadness and pain aren’t suffering

i only suffer when i try to resist feeling these “negative” emotions

in questioning my identity - the layers ive built around my self

i can now see quite clearly into my inner world

and i can see much more clearly into my outer world

this clarity makes me more aware of the beauty

but also of all the suffering

i don’t see this suffering in the natural world

because nature abides by the laws of physics and energy

it doesn’t try to fight against its circumstances or state

it surrenders to the natural circle of life

and in that is complete harmony in peace

not everyone and not always,

but many people and a lot of the time,

even if they’re unaware of it -

humans fight against what is

because they perceive certain things as “good” or “bad”

they want control

and so they suffer

i struggle with this too even writing this

because im seeing this “beauty, harmony and peace” and im seeing this “suffering”

I’m seeing a positive and negative

I shouldn’t let this affect me

and it doesn’t always

but sometimes I’m so sensitive when someone around me is suffering and i cant help

and it really affects me and lowers my own vibration

in my yoga training we were taught briefly about protecting our own energy

and that is what i want to learn about and implement

it is our birthright to be happy. yes, all the time - in a state of flow and bliss

contrary to common experience and belief: we were not placed here to suffer.

but at some point in history

there was an unfortunate shift away from knowing this basic truth

people decided that they wanted to do things “their way”

they decided to fight against their current circumstances

instead of accepting what is inherently happening

so I’m working at keeping my vibration high and continuously raising it

because how can i share light and love to others if my energy is low?

im observing what brings my energy down and questioning it

so i can learn from my reactions

and learn to protect my energy

it benefits no one for me to be in a state of resistance

think about this in terms of electricity

when we add resistance to a current,

the energy has to work much harder,

and much more energy is required for the current to reach its destination

I experience resistance when my mind tells me that what im currently experiencing is “wrong”

and this causes frustration and pain - not the good kind - the suffering kind

The great Zen master Rinzai would raise his finger slowly and ask: "What in this moment is lacking?" On the level of the mind, you cannot comprehend or answer – the ego is attached to time and can only survive by creating a future and a past. But in going beyond the ego mind you will tap into the eternal – which only exists in NOW.

This question, “what in this moment is lacking?” was a question asked to remind students that NOTHING in this moment is ever lacking. Our minds decide that something we are currently experiencing is ”wrong” because we are either comparing this moment to a past experience or anticipating a “better” future event. If we remain present - there is no right or wrong - there only is.

There’s a quote, “comparison is the thief of all joy.” If we are in complete acceptance of where we are now, without wishing it were something it isn’t - we will always be happy.

This is much easier said than done - to “live in the moment”. First of all I don’t think most people truly understand what it actually means to live in the moment, even though that phrase is thrown around all the time. But it also takes so much unlearning and learning to always fully be in the now.

Anyways…

I ask myself this, “what in this moment is lacking?” to recenter when i notice that im feeling any kind of resistance - frustration, anxiety, guilt, uncomfortableness, or unease. because the answer is always that nothing is lacking. the moment is perfect.

I strive to become increasing present. nothing can rob me of joy and positive energy if I fully embrace, appreciate, and accept my experience as it is right now :)

ram ram.

much love! dream extreme! ☆

- kat